Minarai 4: CONVERSATION
Tao te Ching : Natural Birthing
Every being in the universe
is an expression of the Tao.
It springs into existence,
unconscious, perfect, free,
takes on a physical body,
lets circumstances complete it.
That is why every being
spontaneously honors the Tao.
The Tao gives birth to all beings,
nourishes them, maintains them,
cares for them, comforts them, protects them,
takes them back to itself,
creating without possessing,
acting without expecting,
guiding without interfering.
That is why love of the Tao
is in the very nature of things.
Our learning objectives for this lesson are:
- to understand the unique characteristics of human communication
- to discuss why geisha need to know about this topic
- to understand "genderlect"
- to describe ways to build self-esteem in our clients AND each other
- to demonstrate Amatsu Okiya principles for guided interaction
Why learn about communication on the way to becoming geisha?
If we can learn this one thing and how to do it well in CHAT, we will be able to please in ways that will leave that person the better for having spent time with us.
Ask yourself what makes you feel good about being with someone in terms of the way they treat you and what they chat to you. These things are what you want to supply to others ALWAYS.
Everyone has basic needs that include being complimented in a sincere manner, having consistency from the other person in terms of behavior, being treated respectfully, and having an indication that the other person WANTS to be with them.
This is very difficult to do in CHAT. That is why there is one other component that must be inserted.
This one other component is something that is not tangible. It is something that is not typed - it cannot be talked about very easily. Not all people really believe in it. But those that do have an edge over others. Let's see if by the end of the lesson - you understand.........
DEFINITION & HISTORY
The word "communication" comes from the Latin communicare, communis meaning "held in common".
The study of communication began formally in the 1940's when communication was considered to occur in a linear manner. That is - from one person to another and back again.
By the 1960's, researchers were recognizing the transactional qualities of human communication and the mutual effects that resulted on the people communicating. That means that when people talk there is more that passes between them than words. The sights, sounds, smells, the subtle color changes in their skin tones, the ways their eyes move, touch...even an unseen connection is made.
By the early 1990's, researchers were describing the transcultural, gender-specific ways of communicating. They were recognizing the differences in how men and women communicate and how this even is similar across cultures. The hope behind the theory was that by understanding these concepts, males and females could learn to improve their communication with each other.
Human communication uses symbols in addition to language. It is active, transactional, and affective in nature involving feelings, perceptions, and attitudes. It is multidimensional, meaning that the content of the message and relationship are inseparable factors. communication is impossible without relationship. Words and symbols are the language for content, while behavior or non-verbal communication is chiefly the language for relationship.
You may be asking yourself.....what is she talking about?? To put this more simply...communication is more than mere words that are passed between you and me. We are exchanging our feelings about each other, constantly "testing" our perceptions about how we are received by the other person and in the process our very beings are "mixing" with each other so that when we part, we each take a little bit of the other person with us. Whether the interaction builds relationship or tears it down depends on how we CHOOSE to steer the course of the communication.
GEISHA & COMMUNICATION
So again - why do geisha, especially in SecondLife, need to have an understanding of communication? Some might say that communication in a virtual land is only by the written word - by CHAT. But where avatars can move and even initiate sounds and emote through words or making "faces", they are an extension of the human behind them.
While we do not have the advantages of smell or touch, these can be described in CHAT lending more reality to the interaction.
But, still...do you not recognize how with some avatars, your heart quickens and you recognize a kindred spirit and with others you do not? With some - male or female - there is a SPARK and with others it kind of feels FLAT.
This is what I alluded to at the start of this lesson. There is a "connection" between people in human communication. This is an unseen "net" or "web" if you will. It lies in the spiritual realm. It is difficult to even talk about and as I said before some believe in it and some do not. Those who develop a keen understanding of this concept, test it and begin to make it work for them become accomplished conversationalists as they build RELATIONSHIP with their client.
The successful geisha will know the right questions to ask to DRAW OUT their client and get them to talking about themselves and their experiences. She will be an eager listener ready to learn and convey amazed interest at the knowledge and talents of the patron whom she entertains. She will establish the unseen connection with her patron so the entire interaction is enjoyable and entertaining beyond what they could receive by untrained escorts in SL.
Conversation is a Balancing Act
This is not a requirement for lesson completion, but you may find it very interesting - even in your real life!
"Genderlect" was a term coined by Dr. Deborah Tannen in the early 1990's to describe male-female conversation as cross-cultural communication.
This is critical information for geisha understanding in order for her to take advantage of every opportunity in social situation to build her client's self-esteem and provide the outward support to enhance his position socially.
Caution... many of these seem to be stereotypical generalities and there has been criticism of the "genderlect theory", so use these more as tools to GUIDE your own observation rather than use them alone in your thinking about male-female communication.
Go to this link and review the information about "Genderlect"
1. Discuss this page with Okaasan - if she does a presentation on this, you will be wise to attend in Second LIfe.
2. Going to the page on Genderlect is not a requirement for this lesson, but you may enjoy the information.
3. Serve in the ochaya a minimum of two times - record date, time, how it was for you and give note card to Okaasan or oneesan
4. Buy materials needed for your Maiko role - correct hairstyle, makeup, kimono, shoes PLEASE take an older sister with you - or Okaasan - very expensive to you if you get the wrong thing! Remember no obi that is tied in front, no more than two sticks in your hair, look for skin options that have the right lipstick.
5. Create two 10 - 15 minute performances and perform them in the Ochaya for Okaasan and sisters. You will later be performing these as Maiko for patrons. This is a way of practicing.
Please proceed to next lesson